


Loving can hurt

by Annalay



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-27 06:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9979895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annalay/pseuds/Annalay
Summary: Cassian and Jyn need to talk but they just don't have the courage and time, but mostly courage. It has been a long two weeks after they were rescued from that awful beach and some things happened. In between the rebelion, there are emotions and unresolved feelings, they need to find what they feel for each other and just tell the truth. Please R&R to know more. Cassian and Jyn!from ff archive (same title, same author's name)And it was all because I was stuck in my car in a huge traffic jam with Ed Sheeran songs - practicaly one song :D





	1. Loving can hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything. I'm just in love with Cassian and his big brown eyes but he is not mine (sadly) and all others aren't mine either. I just don't want THEM dead and had a nagging feeling to write that.
> 
> This is my first Star Wars fic (ever) so please be gentle. I'm a big fan of the books and the pre Disney universe but one I can tell that Cassian Andor was one of the kind good idea!  
> And it was all because I was stuck in my car in a huge traffic jam with Ed Sheeran songs - practicaly one song :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn need to talk but they just didn't have the courage and time, but mostly courage. It has been a long two weeks after they were rescued from that awful beach and some things happened. In between the rebelion there are emotions and unresolved feelings, they need to find what they feel for each other and just tell the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just in love with Cassian and his big brown eyes but he is not mine (sadly) and all others aren't mine either. I just don't want THEM dead and had a nagging feeling to write that.
> 
> This is my first Star Wars fic so please be gentle. I'm a big fan of the books and the pre Disney universe but one I can tell - Cassian Andor was, one of the kind, good idea!

**Chapter 1 Loving can hurt**

* * *

 

_Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes_   
_But it's the only thing that I know_   
_When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_ _  
_ _It is the only thing that makes us feel alive (…)_

_Ed Sheeran 'Photograph'_

 

 

* * *

 

The hangar on Yavin IV was too small for the two of them for Jyn. The whole planet actually was not big enough, she just wished to put time and space between the two of them, today, or maybe forever after today. She generally had enough of him. His eyes, his looks, his touch were just too much. She needed a way out. Now. She would go anywhere, and do anything just not to be in his presence any more.

There were times like that, that she just had enough and she was pretty sure she would explode with all that pent-up feelings inside her. They decided it was a mistake, they decided that it would never happen again and they just agreed at being friends and partners in the common fight. They both were too emotionally damaged to understand, much less name the things which were going between them.

And, yet another fight was the example of this impossible situation.

They wanted to talk but never find the right words at that time. So now, when she was practically chased by Cassian to the hangar she knew one thing. She didn't want and wouldn't talk any more. She had enough.

Cassian finally caught up with her and grabbed her by the elbow. She wrenched her arm from his hold, and spun around sending  him a dark look.

'I don't want to talk about it, just don't'. She almost snapped at him, glaring daggers at him.

'Don't what?' He asked confused. As if he didn't know, as if he didn't take part in this emotional roller-coaster they were on since they recovered from Scarif. He was staring at her with this warm, dark eyes and for a moment, just a moment, she almost forgot why she was running away.

But than she remembered, and said the first word that came to her mind.

'Everything.' She blurted and she regretted it the moment she spoke it. She could see the hurt in his eyes. Those eyes she loved so much and those eyes which hunted her at nights.

"Jyn…" He started but she cut him off.

"Just leave it Cassian…" She said in tired voice not looking at him, but anywhere but him. She could deal with everything except his pleading eyes. They were her weak point she knew that all too well. There were so many evidences of that and she didn't want to go back to those memories. It was forbidden, they talked about it and they agreed it was a mistake.

"So, this is your way… to fly away." He spoke his tone accusing and hurt at the same time. He reached to touch her hand but stopped himself just in time. There were boundaries, strict rules which they both agreed to obey and he was crossing the line, again.

"I'm on a mission…" She began to explain to him. But this time it was him who cut her short. "You are running away." He said angrily, but she could heard a hint of something else in his voice. She promised to herself that she would not be reading between lines anymore and finding things which were not there. She did it once and look where it took her.

"You are not helping Cassian, more the opposite." She said in tired voice, seeing Bodhi her pilot for the mission and waving at him. "You make everything worse…" She finished not really believing in any word she had just said. She knew that the more time she would spend here talking and staring into those brown eyes, she would eventually change her mind. And she didn't want to do it. Not now, when she did everything to find peace, and space and distance.

She needed to find herself again. The old self -Jyn Erso or more the girl who didn't care about anything and anyone. She was too tangled, to emotionally distracted and too weak to deal with the feelings for Cassian on this little piece of rock which Yavin become after all that happened. She needed her head to be back in the game and the only solution she knew was to escape. It was to run up the hills and didn't look back.

"Everything?" He questioned. She heard him and the hidden meaning under this small word. Feelings and images came crashing down on her at full speed. She almost lost herself in the look he was giving her right now, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Jyn finally tore her eyes form his face and saw that Bodhi was looking at them in a strange way, he pointed at his chronometer and the at the ship.

"Please don't." She said sadly and started to walk away.

But he didn't let her. He grabbed her hand and this time he held her. She tried to pull her hand back but to be honest she didn't put up a real fight.

"Jyn, we need to talk." He said softly. She heard that tone before. He used it often to her after they came back from Scarif, and she was suffering from the loss of mostly everything. Those were the times when they would sit together, too close for friends and too far for lovers, just helping each other to cope with the reasons they were still alive. And she loved that tone.

But not now. Now it only made her angry.

"No, we don't," She almost screamed pulling her hand hard form his grip. He didn't try to take her hand again and that told her she was wining. "All we do is talk and it's getting nowhere… I need to go." She said angrily and started walking away in the direction of the ship.

"Will you come back?" He asked almost in a whisper talking to her back. She stopped mid step. Haft angry, half devastate that he knew her that well. She wanted to escape and he knew that.

He knew that form the moment he opened his eyes and learnt that she signed for a mission.

"What kind of question is that?" She tried to sound offended but failed miserably. It was more a plead to let her go.

"The only one that I need to know right now." He answered honestly looking into her eyes again and this time holding her eyes with his.

"I don't know." She whispered back still looking into his eyes. He was dangerously close to her again. Partially she was wondering how was he doing that, this closing space between them. She could swear he mustered some secret skills of moving too close. "It's the only thing I know now." She finished and finally tore her eyes away form his. With the connection broken it was easier for her to breath and talk "I need to go, please. Goodbye Cassian"

"I'm not going to say it, Jyn". He answered her without hesitation. "I will never say goodbye to you. I didn't say it on Scarif, and I won't let you go that easy." He finished matter of factly taking a step back from her.

"You have the one in a million ability to make things harder that they are, you know that." She said to him trying to gather her thoughts.

Damn it, he had almost convinced her. Almost, being the key word here.

She knew that she needed the space. She needed to escape form one Captain Cassian Andor and she truly had to sort her feelings for him before she come back. If she would ever be able to do that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! This scene came to my mind and just couldn't leave me alone till I wrote it down. There is more but first I need to know if it's worth Your time. I'm sorry for all the mistakes (no beta reader). Still hope it was good enough to write some reviews.


	2. When I'm away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's start from the beginning. Why Jyn was leaving angry? We need to start from the moment they were taken back on Yavin IV so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like it all of this story is written so I'll be posting all in no time.  
> Still blaming Ed Sheeran for all of this

_When I'm away_  
_I will remember how you kissed me_  
_Under the lamppost_  
_Back on 6th street_  
_Hearing you whisper through the phone,_  
_"Wait for me to come home."_

* * *

**Chapter 2 – When I'm away**

**2 weeks earlier**

Cassian remembered only some flashing white lights and a lot of pain. If this was afterlife it was too much pain for his liking. But maybe he deserved all that pain after all the things he had done in his life. But suddenly those bright lights were just two lamps hanging from the celling of very white room. He recognized this room, he was in a standard medical unit, but it was almost impossible. He should be dead, the Death Star fired into Scarif he had seen it on his own eyes. He remembered the last minutes in Jyn's arms. He supposed to be dead.

"Where am I?" He managed to whispered his voice hoarse.

"In a medical unit on Yavin IV, Sir." Came a mechanical answer and then Cassian spotted a 2-1B unit in the corner of his room.

"What happened?" He asked trying and falling to sit down. His head was spinning and there was something wrong with his left arm. He decided that he need to lie down again because everything start to spin violently.

"You were taken from Scarif at the were last minutes. You were suffering from a serious concussion, dislocated left shoulder and some broken ribs." 2-1B answered in his mechanical voice walking closer to his bed.

"Jyn?" It was the first word that came to Cassian minds when he heard about Scarif. The last image of her was as they were standing on the beach holding each other waiting for a racing dead. And yet he was here talking with 2-1B unit. He was alive so must she. She must be alive other way he would go back to this blissful nothingness.

"Miss Erso was released from the medical unit yesterday morning after checking her vitals and she was declared to be in good state. " 2-1B answered pointing some device at him and checked for the result.

"Yesterday?" It was the one word he actually quite understood. He was here longer than her so she was good and somewhere in the base. "How long have I been here?" He asked finally focusing his sight with some difficulties because some lights were flashing before his eyes.

"Approximately 46 hours." Answered the medical droid.

"Almost two days." He almost choked at this revelation and this time he attempted and succeed in siting in his bed. It was painful and he felt slightly dizzy but still he was seeing better. No wonders he had problems with his sight and body he had been lying unconscious for almost two days.

"You were unconscious most of the time after we were forced to separate you form Miss Erso for the medical checkup." 2-1B was explaining to him and Cassian was wondering what the word separated meant exactly.

"Separate?" Cassian asked to specify and he was half afraid what he would here in response.

"I would say you were in shock, Sir." The droid started to explain taking his hand and checking yet another vital point. "You kept saying that you couldn't let her go."

"What?" He almost lost his breath. Of course, he was afraid for her but he didn't remember any of this, he could remember only her tight embrace and then it was like a black nothingness or white to be specific. "Did she hear that?" He asked. He had no idea why it was so important that she didn't hear that.

"She was unconscious all the way to Yavin IV probably due to the shock and her wounds" 2-1B had a way of giving good and bad information at the same tone. Cassian was thinking hard at its words fragments of information going through his brain causing chaos and worries inside him.

"Wounds?" Cassian questioned in a worried tone.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you are not authorized to know her medical condition." Said the droid unmoved by Cassian dark expression.

"What condition?" He asked raising his voice. "Just tell me if she is OK?"

"This I can tell. As I was telling before she was released from the medical unit yesterday after proclaiming her medical state to be good." The medical droid repeated.

Cassian had enough of this conversation. He needed to see her in person. He wanted to check if she was all right on his own eyes. And he had a nagging desire to just hug her, to take her in his arms. _What is wrong with me?_ He thought surprised, it must have been the effect of the concussion nothing more.

"I need to get out of here" He said and started to get up from the bed. It wasn't easy. He was striped to some medical devices and he tried to pull all the tubes and wires at the same time. 2-1B hurried to his side trying to stop him or just preventing him from ripping his arm open.

"I'm not authorized to let you leave I need to ask my supervisor!" Yelled the medial droid.

"I don't care. I need to see her… "Cassian blurted out, then he understood what he just said and corrected. "Them. I need to see them. Who else came back?"

"I'm sorry sir I'm neither authorized nor have the knowledge to answer this question." The poor medial droid had a very uncooperative patient to take care today.

"That's it. I'm going." Said Cassian angrily pulling the last cable from his chest and trying to button up his shirt with only one hand. His left arm was hurting like hell but he didn't pay attention to it.

"It is a bad idea." Said the droid lamely trying the last time to prevent Cassian from standing up.

"What is going on here." Both Cassian and the droid looked at the doorway. It was admiral Dodonna the elderly man one of the leaders of the Rebellion.

"Sir, captain Andor insisted on leaving and I was trying to persuade him to stay. He needed to be check before we could release him form the medical unit." The medial droid explained in a far more stressed voice for Cassian liking. So many years with K2 taught him that even robots show some emotion when they spent too much time with people.

"Captain Andor, how are you feeling?" The old general asked looking at the young and bothered man.

"Great." Cassian lied without blinking an eye. He was trained in lying since he was sixteen. "I must get going." He finished pulling his hand over his ruffled hair.

"Go fetch me some medic here." Dodonna requested to the medical droid which vanished from the room at the top speed (as the medical droid could be fast). "No hurry captain," Dodonna addressed the younger man. "You were seriously injured and miraculously brought here when everyone was thinking you were dead so if the medic says you need to stay in it will be an order."

"Yes, Sir." Answered Cassian hearing in the general voice that it would be no discussion. "Sir, is anyone except Jyn…?" He couldn't finish this sentence.

"Yes, your new friend Bodhi, I think that is his name." Answered the general in a light voice. "He was the one who found you two and took you from that blast." The general finished explaining and Cassian felt the sudden urge to sit down. Bodhi was alive. It was wonderful, it was more than amazing. And Cassian and Jyn owned him their life. He needed to find him. To thank him.

"I make sure to thank him for that." Cassian answered looking reviled.

"You better," Said the older man. "And your pretty friend is down at the intelligent center, it's amazing how much a skillful thief knows about breaking codes."

"Jyn is in the intelligence office?" Cassian almost laugh. She was alive and working for the rebellion. It was almost a dream.

"Yes, captain Andor we are preparing a really complicated attack and as admiral Raddus used to said all hands-on deck." Said General Dodonna looking at Cassian with sad eyes.

"Used to?" Asked Cassian, did he hear that correctly.

"He's dead." Answered the old general in a heavy voice. "Or presumed dead, most of our fleet form Scarif is destroyed. You couldn't see it. You were probably unconscious at that time as Bodhi Rook said."

"Where is he, Bodhi I mean. Where is he?" Cassian felt almost painful urge to go and see him. Bodhi was his saver Cassian promised to himself that he would do anything to pay that debt.

"I think down in the hangar," explained Dodonna. "He is a pilot after all and a good one, and he volunteered to join us first think he did after taking you two to the medical unit so probably he is preparing for a fight." Then a male medic chose that moment to arrive and without any further question forced Cassian to sit down and started the examination.

"So, can I go?" Asked Cassian impatiently.

"Yes." The medic answered to him. "But your arm will not be in full recovery for a couple of days and if the headache become more intense you should go back for a checkup."

"OK." Cassian was out of the door before the medic finished his last sentence.

In the hangar was chaos as usual. The scent of metal and oil were all present and Cassian felt at home for the first time since he woke up. Then he spotted the person he was here to find.

"Bodhi!" He yelled after the former imperial pilot who was talking with some other pilots all of them in orange suits with helmets in their hands. Bodhi looked at him first and then the second time and sprinted to him.

"Cassian?" He almost screamed running toward him. "Cassian! I'm so glad you are ok." He came in halt before Cassian and for a second he didn't know what he was supposed to do but then he decided that a hug was needed. Cassian was laughing at loud at this display of emotion. At the back of his mind he was hoping of receiving the same welcoming form other, more prettier, part of his former team.

"I'm so happy as well to see you." Said Cassian clapping Bodhi at his back and returning the hug. "I can't thank you enough. If it wasn't for you… what happened down there?" Bodhi took a step back and tried to look at ease but it was clearly visible how nervous he became.

"I was lucky," Bodhi started to explain" I saved the ship from the grenade which some Stormtrooper threw inside. I just threw it back. It made some artificial damage to the ship but nothing serious. And then there was this green light coming from the sky and I just knew that something bad happened. I knew where you should be and I made a huge leap of faith that you survived and escaped that tower. And for the first time in my life the Force was on my side. I spotted you at the beach." Bodhi finished looking at Cassian.

"Thank you." Said Cassian again. He was sure he wasn't thanking him enough. "How come I didn't see you? "

"It was bright, it was freakily bright and to see anything… I took you really at the last minutes." Bodhi stammered at this time remembering how close they were from a certain death." Jyn passed away the moment she stepped into the ship, we needed to make a blind jump to hyperspace. It was stupid but generally safer that staying at that broken world any second longer. We jumped out in the middle of nowhere and it was when you decided to  
lose consciousness as well. And I had no way but to take you two home as fast I could."

"And the rest?" Cassian finally asked the question he was afraid since the beginning.

"They didn't make it." Answered Bodhi in a strained voice. Cassian didn't have any words of consolation." Bodhi I will be in your debt for the rest of my life."

"Oh, please I'm a rebel now so it is normal that I do stupid and dangerous things form my friends." Said Bodhi in a light way or at least he was trying to sound light.

"Good work and ...welcome my fellow rebellious friend." They shook their hands and smile to each other. "Now I need to find Jyn…" said Cassian.

Cassian walked pass the door to the Intelligent Office. There were so many people standing and siting around a round table it was hard to see past them. But after just one look Cassian was sure Jyn wasn't there. But general Draven was there and his eagle eyes spotted Cassian the moment he walked in.

"Captain Andor so happy you chose to wake up" He greeted Cassian in not so friendly way. Cassian was working with him for so many years he just knew it wasn't personal. Draven was just not a very friendly person, probably being a chef to the rebel intelligence wasn't a pleasant position.

"Sir" Cassian saluted in a proper way wincing slightly because he forgot about his injured arm. "It wasn't my choice, sir." He added.

"Understood." Draven answered waving his hand in dismay. "Please sit down captain we need some things to do and to discuss."

Five hours later Cassian was ready to go back to the medical center. The plans for destroying the Death Star was getting nowhere and he had a massive headache. And there was no Jyn around. He just wanted to see her. He wanted to thank her for Scarif and just look at her. Instead he was stuck in this kriffing meeting with too many people. And then when he was debating if he wanted to escape excusing himself to some medical treatment or whatever, the door swung open and Jyn came in. It was like the time stoped. She walked in looked around and froze in spot as soon as she saw him. Cassian almost knocked off the chair, he was sitting on, when he got up rushing towards her.

"Jyn." He said softly. He was fighting the urge to pull her into his embrace. To crash her in his arms to never let her go. But there was something strange happening next. Jyn was saluting him. "Captain Andor." She said standing upright stiff and uncomfortable. Cassian was looking at her as she had lost her mind searching her eyes. Was she making joke at him? If so, it wasn't funny.

"Private Erso glad you could join us," Draven voice finally broke into Cassian and he began to understand.

"Private?" He asked her but it was Draven who came with the explanation. "We are dealing with sensitive information here captain Andor." Stated the general "Only military members included so we had to make a quick training for Miss Erso." Cassian was looking stunned from Jyn to the general and suddenly he understood the stupidity of the situation. He was standing in the middle of the room full of his fellow officers and other staff members and he was trying to do some a very stupid thing. Finally, old habit kicked in and he saluted back to Jyn. "At ease private." He muttered. "We need to talk." He uttered under his breath so only Jyn could hear him. He could swear that she almost smiled at him. But then general Draven interjected again "Back to the plan captain …"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, don't worry the fluff is coming soon I just love writing Cassian. All mistakes are mine and I'm really sorry for all of them (no beta and I'm still tryng to correct them all). Please R&R. Any comments would be great!


	3. Eyes are never closing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still rather confused Cassian and all the unresolved feelings get in the way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it was really fun to write it. Please take time to tell me what you think! Cassian still won't leave me alone, as if this bothered me - I love his eyes, he can stay as long as he wants to.   
> Next chapters are coming...

_We made these memories for ourselves_ __  
_Where our eyes are never closing_ __  
_Hearts are never broken_ _  
_ _Times forever frozen still_

_Ed Sheeran 'Photograph'_

* * *

 

 

**_Chapter 3 – Eyes are never closing_ **

The meeting was finally over. Cassian felt it was late, like really late at night and he had a dark feeling that their plans and solutions had gone nowhere. The completed plans of the Death Star were still missing there were rumors that they were intercepted and maybe, just maybe, they would be deliver to the rebellion. As Cassian understood from the briefing they had sent the plans to admiral Raddus and from there the file was sent further. But since that no one knew what had happened. They again live on hope. And Cassian felt as if this time he hadn't had enough hope and strength to do it. They – he and Jyn were interrogated and questioned a million time that evening but they couldn't help because they didn't see those plans. They had only stolen them and almost die in the process. An finally, Draven said it was enough for the night. Cassian felt as they were back to square one.

Almost everyone had left the room but Cassian stayed deliberately stalling his work to see if Jyn was leaving. He could see that she was doing the same thing but he thought it was only his imagination. He was tired and still suffered from his injures and was sure his mind was playing tricks on him. But then before he had noticed they were the only people in the room, and suddenly Jyn and Cassian looked at each other almost at the same time. And again, time froze. As of hearing some unspoken words they both rushed to each other only to came in halt mere inches apart. It was a long pause when neither one was able to decide what they actually wanted to do. Cassian was fighting with a massive urge to crush her in his embrace, he had never felt such a strong desire to just feel some girl in his arms.

But he truly didn't know what he supposed to do. He let Jyn decide whether she wanted to cross some unspoken barrier. It was different to hold her close when death was upon them but now it was intimate and emotional, two things Cassian didn't know existed before he had tangled his faith with Jyn Erso.

But then he was saved from his misery after Jyn almost jumped into his arms. She flung her arms around his neck and melted to his side. Her presence was intoxicating and her scent was just as he remembered from their last moments on Scarif. She was alive and she was in his arms, Cassian had never felt happier in his life. As on instinct he had buried his face into her hair.

"Cassian." She whispered into his shoulder. "I'm so happy you are alive, they didn't let me in to your room, they kept saying you were in a coma and I'm not allowed to be there." She started babbling into his shoulder, she just could let him go. It was something she wished to do since she saw him in the Intelligent Office so many hours ago. It was painful just to sit and focus having him across the table, and not be able to touch him. It still amazed her how much she started caring for that brown eyed captain. At times, she was so scared at the thoughts and emotions that were coming to her mind those two days.

"Jyn." Cassian breathed softly into her hair at the same time she had spoken. "I'm so happy that you alive, when I woke up I thought the worst, then I couldn't make any information form the medical droid." They were both speaking at the same time almost didn't hear each other. But it weren't the words that counted that night. The facts that they were alive and holding each other were the only things they could think of.

"Cassian there is so much going on…" Muttered Jyn pulling her head from his shoulder and searching his eyes.

" I have got so much to tell you…" Cassian started at the same time. He was looking in her green eyes, and he felt completely at lost. He had no idea how much those eyes had been hunting him since he walked to the meeting. He wished to stare into those beautiful green orbs and finally felt at peace.

"They didn't find the plans…" Jyn said her voice desperate still not leaving his arms. There was something intoxicating in his scent, his eyes and his warm body that she couldn't tear herself from him. Not that he had mind that.

"I know." Cassian said brushing some loose hair from her check. "But we are searching and we will find them it just a matter of time." He reassured not taking his hand from her check. It was as if his own hand was working on its own accord, he just could stop touching her. He felt her shiver lightly under his touch.

"We did it, Cassian." She said softly almost leaning into his touch. It was like Cassian was pulling at some strange twine inside of her body. Half of her was screaming to let him go, to step back and the other half was longing for more of his soft hands.

"I know." Cassian answered without breaking the eye contact with her. He was fighting with a strong urge to kiss her, he was feeling like her eyes were pulling him closer to her. "But they will find them. "He whispered. They were so close now that their noses almost touched.

"Cassian…" Jyn sighed feeling lost into his eyes." Jyn..."Cassian muttered. "I'm so happy that you are alive." He finished mere inches from her lips. "It goes both way…" ,whispered Jyn closing the distance between them and just when their lips touch for the first time the communicator inside Cassian jacket stared beeping.

He growled furiously resting his forehead against her. "I need to take that." He spoke apologetically janking the offending device from his pocked still holding her close with his free hand. "Andor, what is it?" He spat. Jyn couldn't understand what he was talking about too overwhelmed by the situation. Her head were spinning and she felt as her knees go weak any time, so she was very happy that Cassian was still holding her. But reality started kicking in and she was focusing at the conversation Cassian was having.

"What do you mean you find K2?" Cassian almost shouted to the small device. „How?" He released her from his grip trying to focus on the words coming from the comilc. "I'm going." He said hurriedly, then he looked at Jyn again and smiled. It was an amazing smile, the one that light up his eyes and Jyn decided then and there that he should be smiling often he looked amazing. "Wait for me and Jyn in the shuttle." He ordered whoever he was spoken to and looked at Jyn.

"What's wrong?" She asked her voice shaken, Cassian almost smriked finding he had such an effect on her. He was almost sure he would be dead the moment he would try any move at her. But she was here standing so close to him and he was still alive and she didn't hit him, yet.

"It was Bodhi." Cassian said fast trying to gather his thought. He was angry that again something stepped between Jyn and him but this time there were good news. "Apparently, they asked him to wipe the memory on that shuttle we came back from Scarif and there is a massage from K2 there." Cassian finished pulling his hand over his hair. "Let's go." Jyn said rushing in the direction of the hangar Cassian close at her side.

"Bodhi!" Yelled Cassian at the pilot spotting him sitting at the opened ramp of the imperial shuttle.

"Cassian, Jyn!" Bodhi got up as the two of them stopped before him. "Here look at this." And he waved his hand to come inside the ship. Cassian was the first to follow. He didn't forget just how close he was with Jyn minutes before he just pushed it at the back of his head.

"Here Cassian look at this." Bodhi pointed at one of the screens. "It needs your fingerprint so that made me think it could be important". For just a split-second Cassian thought that someone, anyone, had download the Death Star plans in this shuttle. It would be a miracle. But Cassian knew that his part of miracles was done for this year and probably his entire life taking Scarif into consideration. When he pushed his index finger onto the scanner a single green massage flashed on the screen.

_Hi Cassian, in case my feelings were corrected regarding Scarif I uploaded myself to the shuttle memory disc. Please don't let me stay at this imperial piece of junk too long and I requested a K2SO body because it is your fault I lost my old one. Sincerely, K2._

Cassian started laughing so hard at seeing and reading that massage that Jyn and Bodhi first thought that he had just lost his mind. But then Jyn and Bodhi also bended over his shoulder and read the massage and Jyn smiled wide. "He indeed had a very bad feeling." She said to Cassian and it made him laugh even more. "This day couldn't be any better." Cassian said happily and locked eyes with Jyn, his eyes darker than usual. Jyn almost lost her ability to breath when he was looking at her like that. She felt nervous again, there were so many unspoken emotions between them right now that she was feeling dizzy and lightheaded all over again. she couldn't feel like that it was not her. She needed to sort her feeling and stop acting stupid no matter what her stupid heart would be doing in Cassian's presence. 

"Cassian there is only one problem we do not have a K2SO body lying around" Bodhi looked at his friend. "That, my friend, is the least of our problems right now. We will find K a body but now we need to transfer him into another computer or disc."

"I will do it." Said Bodhi "I copied data like thousand times." Said Bodhi rummaging around the ship probably check if there was a disc big enough lying around somewhere.

"Thank you Bodhi." Said Cassian not looking at Bodhi but staring at Jyn who could feel her cheeks heat up from his intense look. "It was an ill timing but still it was a good news." Cassian finished still holding Jyn's eyes, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

But for Jyn it was enough. She couldn't deal with that whatever it was at least not now. She didn't know what she was feeling for that captain and her feelings were even more jumbled when looking into his eyes.

"I must go." She said in a scared voice. Cassian heard that and frowned. He didn't want to scared her he just couldn't help himself. He was hoping they were getting somewhere. He had no idea where but he had hoped they would figure it out together. _Together_ it was a funny word, it had a pleasant and scary meaning at the same time. Cassian wasn't good in those kind of things. He was a well skilled intelligence officer and his common sense was almost legendary. It was intimidating what a this beautiful woman could do with his way of thinking.

"I will walk you home." Cassian offered standing up and Jyn almost jumped from him. "No need." Jyn answered lamely looking everywhere but not at him, she smiled a small smile at Bodhi as she was backing away from the shuttle. "I insist." Countered Cassian walking toward her. Bodhi was looking confused at them. If he didn't know better that those two were too professional to do anything stupid, but he would say that a lot had changed on Scarif. Then he remembered the beach and Cassian who was holding Jyn's body the entire way to Yavin IV with her head on his lap. There was something going on between those two. Bodhi definitely had to find somewhere to be. " OK, so I will find some storage memory then …" Bodhi said trying to leave as fast as he could.

"Yes, thanks Bodhi." Cassian replied quickly and almost ran after Jyn. " Jyn wait up." He caught her by her arm just as she left the shuttles. She looked annoyed and Cassian didn't know what changed since minutes before. "I'm tired Cassian, it was a long day." She said in a strained voice not looking at him. She needed some time to think about all the things that happened and to be honest she was scared.

"Are you running away?" Cassian blurted out without thinking, but for him it was what she was doing. He could feel that he scared her in some way and he didn't know how to say that it wasn't his intention. She pulled her hand from his grip and started walking away but Cassian followed her feeling even more confused than before.

"From what?" She questioned little to angry for his liking but then she added in much lighter tone. "I just join the rebellion captain I can't run away." She tried to smile at him. She didn't know how to explain herself to him and to be honest she didn't want to explain anything to him. She had never felt like that with anyone before it was scaring the hell out of her.

"I hope so…" Cassian said walking by her side. He sensed she was fighting some inner battle and he needed to wait for the result, other way he would scare her off.

"There are still so many things to do." Jyn was trying to reasoning with him and Cassian couldn't say no to her arguments but still the burning feeling inside his chest couldn't leave him alone.

"Yes." He responded slowly they were in front of her door and Cassian knew that he would had to make a step back. It had to be her decision. "And this is not a very good time for distraction." He stated the obvious this time looking into her eyes.

"Definitely." She answered not very convincing. His eyes were again looking deeply into hers causing wired butterflies to spring to life in the pit of her stomach.

"We will see each other tomorrow?" Cassian asked finally letting her go pass him and watching as she opened the door. The door opened with a whooshing sound and there was silence again.

"Well I think we will see each other in two hours, that much had left from the standard night at Yavin IV." Said Jyn trying to sound light. Cassian could feel how confused and lost she was. His years of training in reading people were telling him that she was nervous and uncomfortable.

"Didn't know that." He replied in light tone as well but then just when she wanted to step into her room Cassian blocked her way with his arm resting on a doorframe and he looked into her eyes. She froze in spot "Jyn you know that sooner or later we need to talk." Cassian said seriously and removed his hand letting her to her room. "I know." She answered sheepishly "But first things first." She finished quietly.

"Yes." Cassian agreed still looking into her green eyes finding there all the things she didn't want, or was afraid, to tell to him. " I'm so happy that we were saved form that beach."

"Me too Cassian." She answered and she finally smiled a small smile at him and his heart skip a bit.

"Goodnight Jyn." He said softly.

 

It was dark inside and at first Cassian didn't know what had woken him up. But then he heard a soft beeping of his communicator and almost groan painfully. He was sleeping on top of the covers at his bed where he came crashing down after returning to his quarters. What time was it and why this blazing device couldn't stop beeping. He looked at the chronometer and see that it was way past morning on Yavin standard he was more tired that he thought. He finally fumbled with his comilc pulling him out from the jacket he had left at the armchair "What? Yes." He answered hoarsely then sit bold upright after hearing the news. "I will be right there." He raced pass the corridor of the great temple with his ruffled hair and crumpled clothes and he almost crashes with Jyn in front of the door to the Intelligence Office.

"They find the plans Jyn." He called at her, smiling like a crazy person. She was smiling as well her eyes twinkle "I know, Cassian." She said happily. "It will be finally over." She finished. "We did this Jyn." He had to force himself not to hold her again like last night. "And we will win." He touched her face lightly, just a brush of a hand but it sent shivers down her spine. They locked their eyes together and just before something inevitable would have a chance to happen…

"Let's go inside", general Draven voice was the most hated thing Cassian could name at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a review because it is one of the best things you could do. I hope you like it. Next chapter will be Jyn POV (I hope, or Cassian would steal it like this one). All the mistakes are mine and I'm so sorry about that!


	4. Holding me closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and yet again something stands in the way of Cassian and Jyn's moment...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you will like it I just needed this scene because it stuck inside my head and wouldn't leave me alone. Tell me what you think.

_So you can keep me_  
_Inside the pocket_  
_Of your ripped jeans_  
_Holdin' me closer_  
_'Til our eyes meet_

"Photograph" Ed Sheeran

* * *

 

**Chapter four – Holding me closer**

What happened next at the rebel base was pure chaos. It was not only that they have limited time to prepare the attack on the Death Star but also the facts that they needed a vast and complicated plan how to deal with the imperial fleet going to Yavin IV as well. They knew that mere minutes after the Millennium Falcon had touched ground in Yavin hangar. Thanks to well working spies among the empire the rebels knew that there were tracking devices on board of the ship. But it was too late to do anything about that, so they had to be prepared.

Cassian felt as everything was happening at the same time, he didn't even remember half of the information which were going through his brain. He was on his feet for almost twenty-four hours since that wonderful news about finding the plans. He was tired, but determined to do anything to help. Thoughts about Jyn were pushed at the back of his head. Sometimes his ability to focus was outstanding even form him. Jyn was sent to the code breaking unit and he didn't see her since that.

When the approaching alarms went off in the Base, Cassian was in the middle of the hangar giving last instruction to his fellow officers. He had orders to board on one of the Mon Calamari unit as an Intel officer, which was good and frustrating at the same time. Cassian wanted to fight, not to analyze and plan the strategic but also, he could end up on the ground. And he was in no position to question orders. The only thing mattered to him was that Jyn was staying on the ground in code unit, so at least she would be out of harms way. Or at least Cassian was hoping for that.

Jyn was feeling almost seek form all the things that were going on lately. She didn't know what was happening between her and Cassian but she was trying not to think about it right now. But to be honest, something had been happening between them even on Scarif. She could feel that. Those long looks and meaningful small smiles.

They were both too independent to act on feelings. Their last moments at that damned beach were so intense. Jyn could still feel his warm breath at her neck when they were going down that elevator. If he wouldn't be so seriously injured and she didn't have her own wounds she could swear they would be kissing their way down. To think about that, Jyn knew, why they didn't act on those feelings. Cassian was too much the by-the-book-officer Jyn had heard about him in the base. She knew and could see how difficult it was for him to trust anyone. Especially Jyn, a former theft and daughter of an imperial officer. But there was something going on between them and Jyn was hoping for some answers. Because all that unspoken words and tension between them didn't help her. She knew she had feelings for that brown eyed captain, but she truly didn't know what to do with that fact.

She wasn't the boyfriend's type of girl; she didn't have butterflies and weak knees with any other man in her life. It's not that she hadn't been with a man before, she did, but it was plainly for fun and the rules were spoken before anything could have a chance to happen. And now she was angry at herself because she let herself fell for that captain before any rules were stated and it was freaking her out. For the first time in her adult life she was afraid of something she had no idea how to deal with, and it was her feelings for Cassian. And feeling always complicated things for her.

But then she remembered how he held her in the elevator and on the beach. She could feel that for him it was also something new and he was also afraid of this emotion. Since she saw him alive and well in the intelligence center she couldn't stop thinking about him. His touch, his eyes were hunting her when he wasn't around, and when he came to view she was all nervous and distracted. Their last encountered before the intelligent office didn't help.

He almost kissed her there.

It was the second-time Cassian Andor tried to kiss her this past few hours and Jyn started to think that it wasn't the effect of his injures and concussion.

For once she let herself to dream, to feel. But then her dark thoughts overwhelmed her. What was she trying to do?

She didn't know anything about love, and being in love was too scared to even consider.

But with all that was happening in the base right now Jyn was anxious and scared that she would not have a chance to tell him anything she felt. They didn't have time to actually talk, not to mention do anything other than talking. The thoughts of losing her independence and act on a feeling were so out of her character that she couldn't believe she was capable of imagine something like that. To even think about a life with someone else, to be dependent of someone, was impossible to imagine.

But her stupid hear, an organ she had recently discovered and didn't especially like, had a different opinion about that, and the heart was actually wining a battle against her head.

She needed to see him, to touch him, because she was afraid that she would never see him again. They survived the impossible mission, and now other dangerous was looming over their heads. But this time, she promised to herself, she would do something more that holding him close in the elevator. Jyn yanked the commlink she had in her ear and typed a command on the computer. Minutes later she ran form the code unit without saying a word.

She came running into the hangar looking frantically for a Corellian jacket and a handsome, brown eyed man. She spotted Cassian at the far end of the hangar boarding at the unknown shuttle. She knew from the computer that he was signed for 'Patience 'a Nebulon -B frigate, and she was wondering if the name was a joke. She almost laughed when she first read the name. She should definitely have more patients or else she would do something stupid. But then she was running top speed to Cassian determined to do something very stupid.

"Cassian!" She yelled at top voice because the noise in the hangar was overwhelming. But he heard her and spun around in the spot almost throwing his gear backpack on the ground.

"Jyn?" He questioned confused at seeing that she didn't stop running toward him. He prepared himself for an impact. Maybe she was angry after all that happened or not happened between them he thought at the back of his mind looking at her running with a determined expression on her face.

"Wait…" She shouted coming closer and closer to him. "What happened?" He asked just before she jumped into his arms, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him senseless.

Cassian was so surprised at first that he almost lost his balance. But after the first shock, he smiled at her lips and kissed her back.

It was amazing having her in his arms, kissing her, to be able to pull her closer to him. He could die happily after that. Oh, Force he could die then and there. Her lips were sweet and so responsive to his tentative crease. He wished they had more time.

Jyn was in heaven, or she hoped that it was heaven she had heard about when she was a little girl. She didn't feel anything but Cassian's touch, his hands in her hair pulling her loser and his tongue. It was doing miracles to her inside. A pack of butterflies sprung to life in her stomach, but this time it felt as a tsunami tied washed inside her. She didn't want to let him go.

But finally, they needed air. Cassian pulled back a little resting his forehead on hers. He was looking into her eyes a small playful smile still at his lips. He didn't notice before how small and fragile Jyn was, not until he was holding her in his arms.

"Please come back." She whispered sheepishly searching his eyes. She could see such an intensity in his eyes that she almost lost her breath. It was indeed heaven she thought to herself.

"Well after such a goodbye I will crawl my way through open space if I had to." He answered lightly trying to reassure her with his eyes that he would do anything to be back with her.

"You better do this." Jyn threatened in a light voice, but Cassian could see how nervous she was.

"Jyn…" He tried to reassure her that everything would be good.

"Please…" Jyn almost pleaded at him "I don't want to talk. I just want to do that." She smiled shyly at him and Cassian once again discovered how beautiful this girl was.

"Well if so…" He started talking and lightly kissed her again in the lips. "Maybe we could do it one more time so I remember that properly." He said that and eagerly claimed her lips finding the same passion as with the first kiss. And again, the time froze for the two of them. But then some officer form Cassian's crew cleared his throat behind them and Cassian was brought back to reality. "I swear, if he had done that a minute early I would have killed him." He whispered to Jyn and she laughed happily her eyes sparkling.

"If you don't come back, I will kill you." She clarified and stepped form his embrace.

"I will see you do that." Cassian said touching her face lightly. Jyn leaned into his touch trying to remember every minute of it.

"May the Force be with you." She whispered to him. Cassian took his gear backpack and climbed into the shuttle. When the ramp was closing he was staring at Jyn hoping it wasn't their last and first kiss at the same time.

When the ramp of the shuttle had closed Jyn felt as something was ripped form her chest. She stomped furiously at her foot as not to cry in front of all the hangar crew. She spun around and stormed from the hangar. She needed something to do, anything,  so she didn't  have to think of Cassian in the battle.

She needed to focus on something in order not to think how stupid and reckless her behavior has just been.

And she had to convince herself that she just didn't make a big mistake. A long time ago she forbid herself to feel anything, she had to be a rock, a solid lonely rock to survive in this galaxy and now she made a huge crack in the rock for one officer with beautiful, brown eyes.

Jyn was prying to all the forces in the galaxy that she didn't make a mistake.

But If ... it was one of the most pleasant one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting somewhere I promise and more fluff is coming to.   
> I'm sorry for all the mistakes (I'm fighting a lost battle)  
> I love Diego Luna in all the interview, the way this guy smiles makes my heart melt! That's way I decided Cassian should be smiling more. Please leave a review.


	5. Remember that with every piece of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My attempt at Jyn's POV. I'm not proud of myself... I'm trying but is way better with Cassian...  
> Jyn and Cassian still have some things to talk about and some things to ...do, but well faith is neither kind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just having fun and well ...it's mostly fun, till I began to check my grammar...

_I swear it will get easier_   
_Remember that with every piece of ya_   
_And it's the only thing we take with us when we die_

_Ed Sheeran "Photograph"_

* * *

 

**Chapter 5 Remember that with every piece of you**

This whole situation wasn't easy for Jyn. Since she remembered she was on her own.

She grew up in a rebel camp so different from the one she was right now. She didn't remember much of her childhood. In her mind there were pictures of her mother's warm embraces and her father's stories at bed time. But sometimes she wondered if she didn't make up all that just to have memoires. And now she had discovered that she could belong somewhere, not only to some group of people, but also to someone. It was frightening and exciting at the same time. She couldn't understand what was happening between her and Cassian, but some very small part of her wanted to discover those unknown feelings with him.

If she was to point when she started thinking about Cassian as more than a rebel intelligent office, she was force to work with, it was the time on the way back from Edu. It was one of the most soul wrecking and horrifying flights of her life. The ship was too small for her and Cassian who she blamed entirely for the death of her father.

But it was a long trip home and Cassian had problem with finding his peace too. They met, absolutely unintentionally, in a cargo section and after a long staring match Jyn finally yelled all her thoughts at him. It wasn't an easy talk, there were a lot of shouting and a lot of bitter words. The fellow crew members were too afraid to walk into that fight and find anything to do except stepping near the cargo compartment. But finally the shouting was over, followed by a loud thud and then there was silent.

Bodhi was afraid that Jyn and Cassian had finally killed each other, so he mustered what left of his courage and peeked into the cargo compartment only to see Cassian who was holding Jyn in his arms. She was crying and shaking so hard that Cassian had to hold her so she didn't collapse on the floor. And it was over. After some time they both emerged from the compartment both feeling uncomfortable and at ease at the same time. After that difficult talk Jyn and Cassian started to act normally around each other. Or at least they tried to act normal because some certain lingering looks had been happening ever since.

And now, almost a week later they were at the finishing line. The plans of the Death Star were finally there, the plan to destroy it was in motion and Jyn … she had just made a finally move.

Sitting in a code center she was staring blank into a list of codes. She was praying, for the first time in her life, to any force in the galaxy to be able to see him again. For the first time in her life she was so worried and scared for someone that she almost felt sick.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

She didn't know what was happening with him and she didn't like it. The battle above was in full motion and partial information were coming to the center. And Jyn was finding herself listening for a familiar name. She didn't hear it for all those long hours she was sitting at her code station. When the crew in the code center heard that they actually destroyed the Death Star she was screaming with joy with the rest of them. The fleet was coming home, it wasn't that they hadn't lost many of their friends that night, it was that in the final battle they won. The time to mourn for the dead would come, but now it was time for joy and almost everyone in the base could feel that.

When the crew of Patient touched ground in the same shuttle which was taking them hours before Jyn was waiting in the hangar in the same spot as Cassian remembered. The trap wasn't even fully open when Cassian jumped from the shuttle and ran as he was chasing by the death himself. As soon as Jyn saw him jumping from the ship she ran into his direction. They met half way and once again Jyn jumped into his arms almost crying with joy.

"We did this, Cassian, we did this!" She was saying and smiling throwing her arms around his neck and held him closer.

"I know." He whispered happily into her hair. It was so amazing, to feel her again in his arms, to be able to hold her close, to touch her and to look into her eyes.

"I thought it was impossible." She said searching his eyes, the intensity of his gaze giving her a pleasant shiver down her back.

"You are not the only one." Cassian answered brushing her hair form her cheek. His finger stroking her cheek slowly made her heart skip a beat. He could feel her pulse at her neck beating frantically. It was good to know he had that effect on her.

"But they blow that thing up."' She said shyly looking deep into his eyes and loosing what she wanted to say too distracted by his eyes. "'I did what my father asked me to do." She finished quietly and seeing that last sentence made Cassian a little unease she felt bad.

"Yes you did." He answered smiling softly at her. Jyn had all the rights to think about her father, especially today. If it wasn't for Galen's love for his daughter and his bravery they would be in a galaxy of terror now with Death Star looming above their heads.

"I'm so happy you are alive." Jyn finally said looking intently into his eyes. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him right now. To forget about all the bad things that happened to them. She was so relive that they both were alive, and they somehow did all those things. Things that were dangerous and impossible to do, and yet they did them. Cassian could see the relief and happiness in her eyes. Her lips were pulling him closer.

"I'm so happy to be alive..." He whispered against her lips finally kissing her deeply.

The kiss was supposed to be sweet and light but things progressed very quickly as soon as their lips touched. Cassian pulled her closer if that was even possible and deepened the kiss. Jyn moaned into his mouth, her knees felt weak, her heart was pounding so hard as if trying to escape her ribcage. It was amazing, Cassian's hands were everywhere and yet she felt as it was not enough. She kissed him with the same passion.

The hangar was not a very appropriate place to show such a display of emotion. Cassian could feel that they were making a small performance for all the crews who had got back. He reluctantly pulled from Jyn embrace and smiled when he found her not really happy with his action. He smiled a smug smile at her his eyes darker from emotions.

"Let's go from here." He said pulling at her hand and almost ran into one of the corridors of the base.

They didn't go far. To be honest Cassian pushed her into the first dark corridor he could find. He pinned her to the wall and kissed her again, not that she minded. Ever since that first kiss she was longing to kiss him again. His kisses were hot and passionate, and soon Jyn find herself panting into his mouth. It was astonishing what he could do to her body in those mere minutes. His hands were everywhere pulling her closer, touching her in ways no one hadn't before and making her inside melt. When Cassian found a small spot at her neck and nibbled it gently she moaned into his shoulder, and she was suprised she could make sounds like that. Cassian eagerly claimed her lips again making her head spin. But suddenly there was a buzzing sound coming from Cassian's jacked. As in disbelieve Cassian stopped kissing her.

"It isn't happening." He mumbled against her lips. "What is wrong with those people?" He asked no one in particular addressing this to his fellow officers in the Intel office. He checked the code on his communicator and as he would guess it was the center calling.

'What?" Jyn had problem with voicing her thoughts, since her mind was still fuzzy from all the emotion swilling inside her.

"As if they knew when to call." Cassian complained in a dark tone dialing the Intel center back still holding Jyn's waist with his free hand. "Andor speaking!" He was trying very hard not to bark into the communicator. There was a short massage that Jyn didn't understand after which Cassian switched that damn device and stuffed it into his jacket. "I need to go." He said frustrated pulling his hand over his hair making it even messier that Jyn's hands before.

"Did something happen?" She tried to sound normal and unmoved but failed miserably. She was flushed; her eyes were dark with passion and in a very vivid green color which make Cassian lost for a while. But then he snapped into reality.

"No," He tried to explain, but he had problems with focusing on anything except her lips. "Well…" He took a deep breath and continued. "Normally, I would be at the intelligence center giving report…"

"Normally?" Jyn asked.

"This is my first time, when I didn't make a report the moment I stepped into the base." Cassian said shyly and Jyn decided that he was even more handsome when he was shy.

"Rebellious are we?" She joked. The things happening lately between them were like their own rebelions inside they heart.

"You have no idea." He whispered brushing a finger over her lips causing her heart to skip a beat again and her pulse to quicken. Next thing she knew she was kissing him again this time sweet and slowly. Then she stepped for his embrace.

"Maybe you should go before they start looking for you." She said playfully.

"The things they would discover." Cassian also smiled, and just when he wanted to kiss her for the last time Jyn's communicator started to beep.

"Now what?" He growled thinking that maybe gossips about their goodbye reached the Intel center and now his coworkers were trying to find him through Jyn. But when she answered he could heard that she was being summoned to the Intel office as well as he. She finished talking and looked at him.

"I think we better go." She said trying to look professional, but her flushed cheeks and swollen lips weren't given her that look. Cassian only smiled. "You're right, but I think we should go separately…"

"Afraid of gossip much." She said laughingly, Cassian only glared at her but it wasn't serious much.

"I'm protecting your reputation." He tried to grab her once again, but this time she jumped out of his reach her eyes sparkling.

"It could be a full time job captain." She yelled over her shoulder and ran away. Cassian took some time to gather his thoughts, he still couldn't believe how one petite and beautiful girl could mess up so baddly with his head.

As it turned out, they weren't summoned to be told off or be questioned about their unprofessional behavior.

They were given a promotion.

Cassian came to the Intel center just in time to see very astonished Jyn being congratulated by Draven and general Dodonna. She looked at him with wide eyes and Cassian tried not to laugh at the look on her face. Minutes later Cassian was supporting the same expression as Jyn when being promoted to major and receiving congratulation from everyone. The only thing he actually remembered from all the commotion that followed was that he was requested to be in the first line during the celebration of the victory in the great temple.

Jyn came closer and whispered to him "I'm a lieutenant now can you believe?" Cassian grinned at her. "Major, still outrank you." He whispered back. She narrowed her eyes at him but he only smiled wider. "See you at the celebration." He added and went to speak to general Dodonna.

...

Couple of hours later Jyn was in her room, standing next a wall and repeatedly banging her head over this said wall. Next to her on the inside of her door was hanging a beautiful grey dress. Jyn had never worn a dress. She remembered wearing dresses as a little girl when her father was still in the imperial forces, but since the day she and her parents decided to vanish Jyn was dressed more usefully and plainly. But as the droid, which brought that offending piece of cloth, said it was a celebration and a special dress code was requested even among rebels when it came to giving promotions and medals. Jyn tried to protest saying that she had already been given her promotion and there was no need she was on the ceremony but it was no point. After the droid left her communicator beeped and she was given a direct order to be present at the ceremony. And now she was trying very hard not to panic. She could go there wearing a military uniform, but she didn't have one. She hadn't asked for it, and they didn't give her any...

...but someone took time to find her a dress.

Not that the dress wasn't pretty. It was simple long, grey dress with a V-neck decorated with some crystals which were reflexing the lights. The same crystals made a decorative belt around her waist, but still it was a piece of garment that she didn't see much in her life. After looking at the chronometer like a ten time this evening she decided that she could not prolong that dreadful moment any longer and jumped to the bathroom.

The great temple was full of people and other races standing in lines waiting for the ceremony to begin. Cassian as requested was standing in the first line just in front of the great steps, on which he could see now familiar faces of Han Solo and Luke Skywlaker both in their best clothes. Cassian was standing next to Bodhi and other fellow pilots who took part in destroying the Death Star, and was silently  wondering where the hell was Jyn. He was worried that she didn't get the invitation to the first line, but it was somehow impossible. It was her entire idea, her reckless and impossible plan, and it wasn't in Alliance style to forget about important people even if the beginning was rough.

But his worries were solved when he finally saw her coming through the straight lines of other officers. For the first time in his life Cassian was speechless. She was wearing a dress, such a small difference in clothing and Cassian's ability to think was reduced to minimum, he was able only to breathe and that also came more like a gasp. Bodhi who was standing next to him almost chocked at the sight of Jyn, but he came to his senses faster than Cassian who was still staring at her in amazement.

"I will kill you both." She whispered when she came closer to them. "If you say something."

"All right." Bodhi was also the first who gained the ability to speak, but looking at the fire blazing from Jyn eyes he decided not to take any chances. He looked at Cassian but to his amusement his friend was still standing with his mouth hang open. Bodhi had problem with stuppresing a laugh.

She looked mesmerizing, Cassian thought.

Her hair was falling down her shoulder giving her face a much softer tone. The dress was simple but fitted her perfectly in all the right places and Cassian was sure he had a heart attack because his heart was beating frantically inside his chest. He couldn't find words to say to her, so he decided to just make a space for her so she could stand next to him. Suddenly the great temple was too crowded for him and definitely it was too hot inside. After his internal fight to return his brain function was over he finally was able to speak.

"You look amazing." He mumbled to her. He wasn't able to fully comprehend what was happening to him.

"Didn't I just tell you not to say a word." She tried to sound offended, but looking into his eyes made her smile instead of scoffing him.

"Didn't hear you." He answered the truth because honestly he didn't hear a word she had spoken ever since she walked to him. His brain was too busy trying to regain any control over his body.

"Cassian you are not helping." She warned him lowering her voice.

"Should I help?" He asked stupidly, and Jyn only raise an eyebrow on him.

"Are you feeling all right?" She finally questioned. She didn't know if she supposed to be worried about him or just amused by his reaction.

"Not really." He answered honestly, and then he leaned closer to her and whispered to her ear. "I wish we weren't here."

_You and me both_ she thought but she didn't say it at loud.

They didn't have more time because the ceremony just started and they focused their attention to the large stairs in the grate temple where Luke Skywalker, a young boy from some remote planet, was given a medal for destroying the Death Star and next to him standing and grinning to the princess was the one and only Han Solo. But Cassian was only partly paying attention to the medals and speeches, because somewhere in the middle of the ceremony he had found Jyn's hand and she held his hand the entire time, Cassian's thumb gently rubbing her hand making them both unable to focus. When there was the time for the generals and leader of the rebellion to come and shake their hands Cassian and Jyn both were fighting not to look as they want nothing more to be eleswhere... preferably alone...preferably in less amount of clothes.

And suddenly it was over, and all of the people in the great temple, up until now, very strict and official started to clap their hands and congratulated one another. In second the grate temple where full of people talking, shouting congratulations and greetings, and general radiant happiness was infectious.

Cassian and Jyn were standing in the middle of that overwhelming happiness and they didn't know what to do.

Cassian was staring at Jyn wanting nothing more than to be left alone with her. He had so much to tell her and he could feel that she was thinking the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was really fun to write, tell me what you think (if you would be so kind...it is actually the best thing you can do)


	6. And I won't ever let you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are finally alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was realy fun to write it...please tell me what you think

_And if you hurt me_  
_That's OK, baby, only words bleed_  
_Inside these pages you just hold me_  
_And I won't ever let you go_

* * *

**Chapter 6- And I won't ever let you go**

"What do you think we disappear for here." Cassian whispered to Jyn in the middle of a very crowded great temple looking into her eyes.

"I have never been on a rebel party before so I don't know the rules." She answered trying to sound light, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that Cassian wanted nothing more than to be left alone with her. Some small part of her was also longing to be alone with him.

"Trust me it's the first for me too." He answered honestly and smiled this beautiful, warm smile at her which made her heart to skip a beat.

"Well, then leaving it's a good idea." She agreed and the moment she said that she could feel the tension rising between them.

He took her hand again and started walking form the great temple.

It wasn't as easy as they thought it would be. It took them almost an hour to be excused from all the congratulations and talks about _how did they actually manage to steal those plans_. If they thought, they weren't recognized it was an overstatement of the year. After a painfully slow way to the door Cassian was finally grateful to see the exit. And just when they stepped into the corridor it was another exited voice which stopped them. Cassian spun aground ready to scream but seeing Bodhi he just clenched his teeth and forced a smile.

"Cassian I have a surprise for you." Bodhi yelled at Cassian excitedly looking at both Cassian and Jyn.

"Do you?" Cassian was trying to sound polite. He wasn't sure he managed that, but Bodhi didn't notice his strained voice.

"Yes, it's waiting in the hangar." Bodhi exclaimed happily still oblivious to why Cassian was so tense. "Didn't have time to wrap it but still…" Bodhi started to explain but Cassian cut him short. "Can I see it tomorrow?" He asked impatiently and only then Bodhi looked at Cassian and Jyn as if he saw them for the first time this evening. Something in Bodhi's mind finally cliked and he tried to back away.

"Oh yes, of course you can." Bodhi started taking a step back. "It can definitely wait." He finished making a small smile and turning away walking as fast as he could.

"Now he knows." Jyn said angrily.

"What?" Cassian asked somehow stupidly. He knew exactly what she was saying, but to be honest he didn't pay attention to who know what after all the interruption they had lately.

"Don't play stupid Cassian, it isn't your style." Jyn said looking at him trying to sound offended.

"I have a style?" He joked stepping closer to her making her blush a little. Cassian only smiled his smug smile, his eye darkening form the desire. Seeing that Jyn inhaled deeply.

"Just shut up and get going before there would be another surprise or else." Jyn said frustrated tugging at his hand and urging him to go after her.

They almost run through the corridors wanting nothing more than to be alone with each other. All those pent-up emotions swirling inside their heads made them run. Jyn didn't know what they supposed to do or tell to each other when they finally had a chance. She just knew she wanted Cassian presence and that feeling exited and terrified her at the same time. All their actions and decisions were leading to this night. They won, they found each other in the midst of the war, and survived an impossible mission. They started form the opposite side of an unspoken barrier but somehow, they found a way to each other. Scarif was the beginning, as much as it was a living hell for them, it was also their salvation. On the surface of this paradise planet Cassian found out that he could care about someone. He could actually decide when and where to start caring about something and it was liberating for his soul. He couldn't believe how he could live before without that warm feeling that Jyn's presence was giving him.

And Jyn, Jyn didn't know yet what she had found out because she had learned the hard way not to carry about people. But Jyn's head was saying one thing and her heart was doing completely opposite one. One thing she knew Cassian meant a lot to her. It was a new and overwhelming feeling she discovered when she woke up in the medic center on Yavin 4 after Scarif. She just wished to know what she wanted to do with all that new feelings.

They came in front of Cassian room only because it was closer from the great temple and froze. It was like some invisible barrier standed between the door and the corridor. What would happened after the door would close it could not be undone. Cassian stopped and turned around. He could see how frightened Jyn was and he felt somehow uncomfortable making her feel that way. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. Cassian typed the code and the door opened. They both were standing in the doorway waiting for the other to do the first move.

"Jyn it's your choice." Cassian finally spoke in a soft voice making her look at him. "I won't do anything you don't ask me to." He added looking at her honestly.

"I'm not afraid of you Cassian." She answered the truth, but her knees were shaking so hard that she was afraid it was visible through the thin material of the dress. She was petrified and excited at the same time. And she couldn't force her legs to move.

"Yes, I can tell that." He whispered just looking at her a small smile playing on his lips. Jyn knew he could see all her trembling and uncertainty and he was trying to give her a way out. It was very honorable of him.

"Do you invite me in?" She asked bravely mustering all her courage and looking deep into his dark eyes.

"Do you want me to?" He joked but looking at her eyes and seeing that all her uncertainty returned in full force he understood that he crossed a line. "I'm kidding Jyn, please do come in." He invited her trying to sound casual. She stepped inside and he followed her closing the door behind him. "Now what?" He asked.

But he didn't finish.

Jyn kissed him hard and all his coherent thoughts just evaporated form his brain. In second he had her pined to the wall kissing her senseless. There was no distraction here. It was nobody here to talk to them, to ask question, to interrupt and even if the communicators did beep they would probably didn't hear them anyway. Cassian hands were making small miracles to her body and Jyn for the first time this evening was glad she was wearing such a thin dress. The things he could do with only touching her was making her head spin. She also began her own exploration of his body, finding ways to make him groaned into her mouth. Before she knew that she made him to take off his jacket and unfolded his shirt finally touching softly his bare skin. At that small contact, Cassian hissed and broke the kiss resting his head on her shoulder trying to regain any control over himself panting heavily. Jyn didn't know if she had done something wrong, but judging by his reaction she was doing all the right things.

"Cassian?" She asked tentatively.

"Now." He whispered hoarsely. "Will be the best time to stop me Jyn." He finished rising his head from her shoulder and looking into her eyes.

"I don't want you to stop." She answered honestly putting her hand again at his bare stomach feeling as his muscle tensed under her touch.

"You have no idea what are you doing to me." He muttered into her ear, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine.

"I think I have some idea because you are standing very close, you know?" She answered playfully deliberately pushing her body closer to him and rubbing her against him.

"It's not fair." He mumbled against her lips.

And he kissed her sweet and slow telling her everything he couldn't voice in that kiss. It didn't take long before layers of clothes were peeled off and they ended up in Cassian's small bed. They didn't mind the size, actually they didn't pay attention to anything but their joined bodies.

...

Way into the night when the celebration in the great temple was long gone Cassian and Jyn were lying in his bed just staring at each other.

"When someone would tell me when I first met you that we end up like thit I would laugh at loud." Said Cassian softly caressing his fingers down her shoulder.

"Was I that bad?" Jyn asked trying not to feel hurt. She knew what he was in mind. If someone would tell her the same thing she would probably laugh or kill them.

"Force no, it is not that." Cassian answered fast deciding that it was a dangerous ground talking about their rough start that early in this…relationship. "You know that we didn't start nice." He added smiling at her and he was relieved when she smiled back.

"Well we don't, but I don't blame you." She said to him. "Daughter of the imperial engineer and all that." She finished looking at him.

"We need to change the subject now." Cassian said matter of factly. He was angry at himself for stating talking about how they meet. "Tell me something about yourself that I don't know." He asked her leaning closer and nuzzling her neck with his nose. Jyn had trouble with focusing on what he was asking her because his touch was ticklish and electrifying at the same time.

"I think you know everything form the file you have on me in the rebel archive." She answered in ragged voice arching her head to give him better access to her neck. Cassian gladly took that opportunity to plan wet warm kisses all the way to her collarbone.

"Well." He started talking looking at her. "I could make some addiction after tonight, but I don't think the intel would be happy about the ways I discovered this." He finished and kissed her collarbone again slowly going lower with his mouth. Jyn was thinking only about his mouth on her skin when suddenly a weird thought came to her head.

"Cassian, have you ever had to seduce a woman to get intel ?" She didn't know where that question came from. She just hated the thought of him with another woman. And judging by the things he just done to her in his bed he had this experience form somewhere.

"I don't think it's a good time to answer that question." Cassian stopped kissing her and looked somehow frightened into her eyes.

"Come on, you know almost everything about me and I don't know much about you." She urged him now really interested about his answer. She could tell that he was fighting some internal war inside him before he answered her, and even then he didn't look into her eyes.

"Yes," he started quietly and slowly. "Once, and I knew it was wrong the moment I did that, so I just would't do it again." He finished searching her eyes and seeing her expression clouded he quickly added. "Please don't be mad at me."

"Why should I? I didn't know you then." She answered reaching and touching lightly his face. She could tell he was relived hearing her answer.

"True." He whispered and pulled himself up to kiss her. The kiss supposed to be light but it heated the moment their lips had met. This time it was easier because they both knew what the other wanted. Before they knew they were both panting and gasping each other names finding blissful happiness together.

...

Just before the dawn Cassian was stroking her shoulder lightly just laying with her and feeling her warmth against his body. Just before he drifted to sleep he heard her saying.

"Cassian, please do not complicate this." She whispered and Cassian had trouble with understanding what she was asking him for.

"Complicate how?" He asked not really understanding. But then Jyn turned to look into his eyes and Cassian breath caught in his throat. She was scared, he could tell that just by looking into her eyes. He only once saw that expression on her face and it was on the beach of Scarif when they didn't know that help would come. He had no idea what he had done to scare her so much but he hated himself for that. The next words that left her lips were like daggers stabbing into his heart.

"Please don't fall in love with me." She asked absolutely serious examining his eyes.

"What?" He blurted out supporting his head on his hand to see her better. "You can't ask me that." He finished. She couldn't be asking him that. How he could promise not to do something that had already happened. How couldn't she see it in his eyes already.

"Just promise me that" Jyn begged and Cassian could hear panic in her voice. This was such a turn in this situation that he truly didn't know what to do. "Please, promise me." She reached and touched his cheek.

"Jyn…" he started. But she didn't let him finish.

"Cassian, I want you," She said shakily. "I want this, but please don't make it more complicated than it should be. Promise me you will not fall for me." She finished staring intently into his eyes.

And Cassian saw in her eyes all her biggest fears.

He saw a small girl left alone in a shelter in a cave waiting to be rescue after seeing her mother to be kill. He saw a young girl being left alone again when her name was starting causing troubles to her guardian. He could see that she was being abandoned too many times in her life. She was afraid that he would do the same to her. He understood that the only way to be with her, to convince her that he would never abandon her was to lie to her in that moment.

"I promise…" He lied without blinking an eye on her. He felt horrible the moment this words left his mouth but he just wanted to be with her. The time to heal her wound would come.

...

This blissful happiness lasted like a week. They met differently at his or her room whenever they had the time. They talk, laughed and spent nights together making love and sleeping in each other arms. They discovered they both had nightmares about Scarif and having someone there in the middle of the night helped to cope with the dreams. But every time Jyn had left the room Cassian knew that he was lying to her. He was falling for her. He had fallen for her before they had decided to take their relationship to the next level, and he felt bad every time he didn't saying anything to her about that.

Meanwhile Cassian had K2 back. It was Bodhi's surprise from the celebration night. Cassian discovered it in the morning after all that happened between him and Jyn. Bodhi had somehow managed to get a K2SO body after the battle of Yavin and it was waiting for Cassian to reboot the system and upload K2 memory. It took Cassian a day to restore his robot friend back to his fresh body and Cassian felt happy, probably for the first time in his adult life he felt so happy that he thought he would burst form the happiness that was overflowing him lately.

And after bathing in this happiness for over a week Cassian decided to take his chance and just be open with Jyn. _What would go wrong?_ _How loving someone could be a bad thing?_ He was asking those questions in his mind when he was waiting for her in his room. He asked her to come meet him after her shift was over. He was sitting on his bed debating whether he should say something when she came.

"I don't have much time. We're in the middle of moving the base and we're still searching for a good location." She said taking her shirt off and coming closer to him. Cassian had to stop himself from taking the opportunity, but it wasn't what he was planning for tonight.

"Jyn we need to talk." He started stopping her from kissing him. Jyn looked at him as he had lost his mind and she thought he was kidding so she climbed on his laps straddling him and smiling seductively at him.

"We can talk later." She said trying to kiss him, this time Cassian needed more time to remember what he wanted her here for. He fought with himself and stopped the kiss. Jyn froze on his laps looking questionably into his eyes.

"Please it's important." Cassian started cycling his hands around her back holding her in place, forcing her to look at him. "You are starting to scare me." She said looking into his eyes and she somehow knew what he wanted to tell her. She had dreaded that day to come. She didn't think it would come so fast.

"Please don't be scared I need to tell you something." Cassian begged, but Jyn froze in his embrace.

"I'm listening." She said extracting her hands from his hair. Let it be, she thought let him speak the words, it was inevitable that this happiness could last. She couldn't believe how angry and sad she was feeling right now.

"Remember our first night here?" He started but he could tell that Jyn knew what he was trying to tell her.

"Vividly." She answered and Cassian could hear that she sounded angry. She was still sitting on his laps, but Cassian could tell that she wanted to let him go. But he decided to finish what he started, there was no turning back now.

"Good, you asked me about something. Or to be specific you pleaded me not to fall in love with you." He finally did say that. Jyn looked like she wanted to escape so he let go of her and she hastily scrambled to her feet.

"I remember that." She answered slowly locking her eyes with his.

"It's too late. Actually, it was too late that night." Cassian finished and just waited for her reaction praying she didn't run up the hills.

"What?" Jyn asked angrily pulling her shirt back on. She needed to hear that. She needed to hear that so she knew she didn't read anything between lines. He promised her that he wouldn't, she was afraid that like everything that was good in her life Cassian would disappear, and now it was happening. She felt as crying, but he would not give him that satisfaction.

"I lied to you Jyn, but I just can't lie to you anymore." Cassian finally started to explain, his words were coming to her but she was still hoping it was just a bad dream. But Cassian was talking and she was forcing herself to listen. "I can't not to love you. You can't ask me not to do something what had already been happening for some time." He finished quietly waiting for her reaction.

"Cassian…" She started saying but truly she didn't know what she wanted to say to him. Actually, she just wanted to escape form this room, to escape from his dark beautiful eyes.

"No." Cassian also stood up ready to block the door because she was looking like running away. "I need you to hear that. I love you. I think I had love you since before the Scarfi mission, I think it happened when you questioned all that I believed and you were right. You made me see things that I was escaping from all my life and I don't want to escape anymore. And most definitely I don't want to lie to you." Cassian finished exasperated searching for understanding in her eyes.

"But you did. You lied to me." She corrected, him her eyes cold.

"I thought you need that then." Cassian tried to explain himself. He tried to convince her that he wanted to tell her then and there that he had already loved her, but he could see that Jyn wasn't listening to him anymore.

"I think I better go." She said quietly taking another step to the door.

"Jyn you can walk away." He made a step in her direction but she just backed away from him. Cassian was terrified it was the worst scenario he didn't take into consideration. Jyn wasn't trying to understand him she was trying to run away and he could see that in her eyes. "It could not be a mistake. Please don't say it was a mistake." Cassian begged her his eyes searching her looking for some answered. It could not be the end. It could not be the end of something that had only just begun and they were so happy.

"Now when I heard all that I may think it was a mistake Cassian." Jyn said and she turned away to open the door. Cassian was on his feet and by her side the moment she pushed the door button.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked her quietly taking her hand and gently turning her to him as the door opened.

"Nothing." She answered bravely but then her face saddened and he could see tears in her eyes. "And everything. I need to go." She added pulling her hand out from his grasp.

"You can't walk away now Jyn." Cassian pleaded.

"Yes, I can, and I will." Jyn answered fighting with her tears.

"And if I agreed that it was a mistake would that help." Cassian asked desperated.

"Now it's too late Cassian, you just complicate everything." Jyn said in hurting voice.

She burst through his door and disappeared around the corner. Cassian was considering running after her, but he decided against it. Maybe she needed time to think about all that what happened. He resolved that he would find her tomorrow and he would do anything to convince her that loving someone wasn't the worst thing that could happen to her.

...

Next day Cassian woke up with a dark feeling in his chest. He knew something happened the moment he opened his eyes. He was kicking himself all night for all the things he had said, falling into restless sleep before dawn. He wished he could turn back the time. He would still be lying to her, but at least she would be here with him, lying next to him smiling in the morning. He was desperate to do and say anything to get her back. Instead he woke up alone with a really bad feeling. His bad feeling was confirmed the moment he switched on his communicator and found out that Jyn signed up for a mission to check a probable location of the next rebel base. He could tell, she would do anything to escaped Yavin 4. He jumped from his bed. He won't let her go that easily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the rest you know it was in chapter 1. Still don't know if I should bring them together or torture them longer?  
> It was fun. It was real fun to toy with them. And as much I know and understand way they needed to die there are some days I just need them to be alive and bantering. :D Thanks for reading !  
> ...


	7. Loving can heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let them be happy for once  
> not my doing it was like my mind was forcing me not to leave them misearable...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided a proper and complex ending is much needed thus the last chapter is actually here! Thanks for all the reviews and likings, generally you people rock! I'm so happy I had found this site. It is like having friend who you don't know but are out there! On with the story.

_Loving can heal_

_Loving can mend your soul_

_And it's the only thing that I know (know)_

_I swear it will get easier_

_Remember that with every piece of ya_

_And it's the only thing we take with us when we die_

_Ed Sheeran 'Photograph'_

* * *

 

**_Chapter 7 – Loving can heal_ **

Jyn stormed on the ship deck throwing her things furiously into the corner. Bodhi was looking at her at the corner of his eyes and he could tell that something was up. He didn't have the courage to ask her, because to be frank he didn't know if he was her friend. To be honest Bodhi was wondering if Jyn knew she had friends and people who carried about her. He liked her since the beginning of their journey together, since Edu he knew she was fearless and dedicated and he liked her even more. Now he could tell that something happened with her and Cassian. He knew that the moment he saw the two talking in a hangar. After throwing her gear unceremoniously on the floor Jyn ventured to the co-pilot seat and slumped in it.

Bodhi joined her minutes later after checking the supplies and started the take-off procedure.

"Does something happen?" He mustered the courage and finally asked her. He could tell that Jyn would never say what is wrong with her but he just needed to try.

"What?" She asked looking questionably at Bodhi but seeing his questioning look she just added. "Nothing."

"Did Cassian do something to you?" Bodhi asked not really believing that Cassian was capable of doing something to her without her permission and still be able to walk but he just needed to be sure. "I can talk with him." He proposed not really sure if he would have the courage if she agreed.

"What?" She asked not understanding and then when the implication of Bodhi's question set in she corrected hastily. "No Bodhi is not like that."

"Then what is it?" He asked again poking and prodding on dangerous territory but he just wanted to help.

"It's me, Bodhi." She answered sadly not looking at him. "It is not Cassian's fault. It's mine I'm just …" But she didn't finish she just trailed off looking away.

"You are?" Bodhi tried to specify.

"Never mind there is no time for this," She huffed at him her business-like tone back. "Let's go."

"Jyn you know you can talk to me." Bodhi said in a soft voice but Jyn looked angry at him.

"That's the thing Bodhi I'm not accustomed to talking and sharing." She answered angrily. "And if you don't stop talking I will go alone." She threatened.

"Oh yeah?" Bodhi questioned her. "Who would fly then?"

"Not fair, it isn't my fault that there was no time to teach me how to operate that thing." She answered bitterly. She had spoken with Cassian about flying lesson but there was always no time or they had better things to do than flying. Memoires of their past week came crashing down on her making her feel almost physical pain.

"Are you complaining on the company or would you rather had different one?" Bodhi tried to joke but it didn't sound entirely jokingly and didn't help Jyn.

"If you don't stop I will walk to Presbalin." She growled at him setting her jaw and looking angrily at him.

"Looking forward to seeing that." Bodhi muttered under his nose hoping Jyn wouldn't switch into killing mode because he was dangerously crossing the line. "Ground control this is Scout four requesting take off…" He spoke to the communicator. Better be off with this mission.

Jyn only sent him a dark look and crossed her arms. She promised to herself that she would learn to fly a ship as the first thing she would do when she got back…if she got back she corrected herself. Looking through the illuminator and watching Yavin 4 becoming smaller and smaller she could feel that with growing distance some dull and throbbing pain evolved in her chest. She didn't like this feeling, it was even more depressing and terrifying than … the things she felt for Cassian. If she didn't know better she would say that she missed him already. It was going to be a long fly. And she didn't know that Bodhi had this much wit and banter in him. She liked him even more.

...

Cassian didn't have much time to ponder about his current feelings and emotions. An hour after Jyn's takeoff all the approaching alarms went off in the base. The Rebels knew it was mere days that the Empire would gather forces and strike at their base so they had been prepared but not as much as they wanted to be. High Command didn't take into consideration evacuation under attack and when the alarms went off panic erupted. There were contingency plans prepared, the base was mostly packed to move but chaos had never helped in time of crisis. And Cassian as an intelligence officer was forced to do logistic and on spot decisions almost running form one point of the base to the other. K2 was frantically packing their things and preparing Cassian's U wing for evacuation.

In the back of his mind Cassian was scared that Jyn was captured by incoming Empire fleet. He would never know until they were moved. He had partial information about the planet they were moving on it was one of the option that the first scout mission provided, Cassian only remember one sentence which was written in the report: Severe weather condition. He was absent-mindedly wondering if it would be one of the scorching hot sandy planets like Tatooine and Jedha but he couldn't remember much more from the briefing. People were coming and going all running as the death was chasing them, orders were barked, people were shouting commands, ships were landing and taking off. It might look like a chaotic evacuation but actually thanks to officers like Cassian it was more planed that looked like. He was prolonging his leaving hoping that Jyn's ship would send any massage. He was praying to all the forces in the galaxy that they heard the alarm and stayed out of the fight.

"Cassian, we need to go." Came a stressed mechanical voice through his communicator.

"K2 stay in the ship keep it running I can't leave now." Cassian almost yell to the communicator the noise in the commanding center effectively blocking half of K2 words.

"Cassian I have died once recently I don't want to do it again." K2 was complaining.

"This time is more like taking hostage K." Cassian corrected him trying to joke but falling. It wasn't funny when there was an empire fleet above their heads and they yet had to escape this planet.

"You are not helping captain." K2 answered.

"Major K, you have been out for some time." Cassian corrected his mechanical friend again almost smiling in the communicator when he remembered the day when Jyn and he were given the promotion. He had missed her badly. He had to have her in his life even as a friend that one was certain.

"Congratulation and hurry up, please." Came a huffed answer and K switched off the connection.

"There is nothing you can do here Andor any more I think you should go." General Draven said to Cassian looking strictly at his officer. Cassian was the last who stayed form the intelligence officer and as much as Draven was still not happy with Cassian's orders omission lately he didn't want to lose one of his best spies.

"I can stay I will check that all units outside the base got the message." Cassian volunteered for that third time during the evacuation and it must have been surprised even for Draven.

"Major Andor we checked it twice, the only thing we can do now is waiting for them to find the new location." Draven said and looked expectantly at Cassian.

"Understood, sir." Cassian finally gave up and saluted to the general ready to leave.

"Off you go and be prepared to fight your way above, you were here too long." Draven warned him.

"I'm accustomed to fighting sir." Cassian added "It is escaping that bothers me."

"Evacuating major Andor," Corrected Draven in a stern voice. No rebel high command officer liked to be accused of escaping. "It is a difference." Draven pressed.

"Yes, sir." Said Cassian and was wondering what was wrong with him lately he knew perfectly that they need to escape Yavin 4 with all the empire knowing its location but he just couldn't stop thinking about this planet as his home. He spent here his much of his adult life and it was difficult to leave his home.

Cassian ran to his U wing at top speed and he could tell he was indeed to long in the base. There weren't any ships on the landing platform only his U wing its engines running and making low rumbling sounds. He jumped into the ship.

"K punch it." He yelled the moment his feet stepped into the ship.

"I think you are late." K had a very accusing tone when he wanted Cassian noticed.

"You are correct and now we can go." Cassian scowled at the droid.

"What took you so long?" Questioned K2 pushing and pulling things on the console making the ship rise from the ground.

"Not now K." Cassian barked at him sitting in the pilot chair taking the control.

It was chaos around Yavin 4 there were debris of ships floating in the air. Small and large rebels ships were coming and going in all direction fighting the imperial units. Empire star destroyers, at least four Cassian could tell, were looming around smaller ships spitting fire to alliance units. Rebel fleet was fighting a way for the last transports leaving Yavin 4. Suddenly the communicator inside the U wing sprung to life.

"To all alliances units retire coordinates of the rendezvous points were transmitted to your computers now. To all alliances units retreat coordinates of the rendezvous points were transmitted to your computers now." The communicate went on repeat and U wing computer beeped to confirm downloading the coordinates.

"Let's go K." Cassian said pulling the hyperspace lever.

...

Jyn was still sitting in the copilot seat thinking about all that happened and trying very hard not to sulk. She was stupid and reckless and generally an idiot she decided after much consideration. She didn't even give him a chance to explain. Maybe he lied to her, he compilated things but at least it was something good. She couldn't remember when was the last time something actually good happened in her life. And now her reckless and immature behavior had made her run up the hills because she couldn't face his feelings. Now sitting in a dark cold hyperspace she could see certainly that she had feelings for him. _Why am I running away from something that could be good_ it was the only question that stayed in her mind. She was deep in her dark thoughts scalding herself, she didn't see a blinking incoming massage. Bodhi who escaped her brooding and dark company to the main deck only just returned to the pilot seat.

"Did we forget about something?" He asked her looking at the blinking console.

"What are you taking about?" Jyn asked only then surfacing from her dark thoughts.

"There is a massage." Bodhi pointed at the flashing light on the console and Jyn was wondering how long it was blinking before her unseeing eyes. Thoughts about a certain major had a very bad influence on her recently. Bodhi pushed some button.

"To all the alliances units outside the base. The base had been compromise it's been evacuating please confirm your statute and proceed to the nearest rendezvous points in the area." The message went on repeat but Jyn only heard it once. She was pretty sure she had a panic attack her lungs couldn't draw any breath and her heart just stopped.

"What?" Bodhi exclaimed.

"Cassian." Whispered Jyn at the same time looking transfixed at the console as if she could see more through the message. As if she was trying to see if he was all right.

"His all right Jyn I'm sure." Bodhi reassured her and beginning the standard procedure of finding the nears rebel outpost and checking for direction.

"We need to come back." Jyn said louder than she expected standing form the co-pilot seat. "What are you waiting for we need to come back." She could hear the panic in her voice but she didn't care. That moment she painfully regretted not staying on Yavin 4, not be able to tell him that she was wrong and that she was fighting a losing battel. That she also was lying to him asking for something that could not happened because somewhere in the middle of the chaos of past days she had also fallen, and she had fallen hard. She could at least tell him the truth that she was too afraid to admit she was in love with him so she chose to live.

"Now we can't." Bodhi said firmly looking at her as she had lost her mind.

"Bodhi I need to go back." She pleaded him but he just shook his head no.

"No," He started hard on her trying to reason with her. "You need to focus and follow orders. I don't know what happened between you two back there but I'm pretty sure Cassian wouldn't want you to jump in the middle of the imperial fleet." He said strapping himself to a chair and looking at the new coordinates that just were deliver by the computer. "You are here and we need to get new codes and new location."

"If something happened to him." She whispered desperately looking at her friend. She didn't know when she stated referred Bodhi as her friend but she also couldn't tell when she started refereeing certain captain as her…more that friend.

"Have hope Jyn." Bodhi said and tried to smile at her. "You have taught me that to always have hope."

...

"Whoever called this planet Hoth had a sick sense of humor." Cassian couldn't agree more with K2 statement. He was standing next to his ship on a thick layer of snow looking at vast amount of snow and white nothingness.

"No kidding K I may not have enough clothes to put on to survive here." Cassian said to his friend pulling the covers of his jacked closer to his body. It was freezing cold and it was in the middle of the day on this planet. He couldn't image how it was at nights and he promised to himself that he didn't want to find out.

They were both standing outside the U wing looking as others alliances units landed nearby. The huge machines had started working on digging tunnels and caves underground the all existing snow but judging by the look of the work it would take them some time. Alliances forces would spend that night in their ships and working overnight shifts to finish digging the new base up. The general idea was great. To dig the underground and undetected base hidden from sensors and scans form the orbit but it still was the problem of ice and cold. Cassian grew up on Fest a hot and humid planet full of green hills and lakes. He hated cold he knew that right now. Severe weather condition happened to be snow, ice, and cold and blinding sun reflections from all existing snow.

"I hate this place already." He said more to himself than to anyone else.

Cassian was sitting in his U wing trying very hard not to think about Jyn's whereabouts. He wished she was here, she could still be mad at him but he would at least know she was safe. When the sun was coming down on this white planet Cassian was staring down at the scattered rebel base trying to spent a very cold night on the ships. He was sitting and waiting for…he didn't know what he was waiting for exactly but the answer had beautiful, green eyes and a fierce character. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he registered was K2 waking him in the middle of a pitch dark cockpit, the only light coming from the droid's eyes and a flashing light of a landing vessel. Cassian launched forward to see if it was the ship he was waiting for but it was too dark to see anything.

"Cassian?" The communicator inside the cockpit sprung to life.

"Bodhi, is that you?" Cassian couldn't believe he would be so happy hearing his friends voice. It meant that Jyn was also on the ship. That she was safe and here. Cassian decided to his distaste that he began to be soft, too soft for his liking but maybe love would do something like that to you. He didn't know, he had never been in love before that he was sure, because he had never behaved like ever before.

"Yes, we are here. I just want to tell you that." Bodhi answered.

"Is Jyn…" Cassian couldn't finish this sentence because he didn't know what he wanted to ask. "Avoiding talking to everyone." Answered Bodhi in a strange tone or maybe it was the connection.

"At least she is there," Cassian said relieved and added "Seal the door it freezing cold here."

"Dully noted. Rook out." The connection broken Cassian fell back on his pilot seat and plastered a stupid smile on his face. Cassian felt alarmed. She was here, she was all right and he couldn't do anything due to really low temperature and total darkness he was stuck in his ship. And to be honest what he supposed to do. He could go there demanding talking but it didn't work before, he could lie to her again swear anything she wanted to but it would not work either. For the first time in his life Cassian Andor was carrying about someone and he was really at lose what to do with all that. Sitting in a dark cockpit he played different scenarios of their meeting and neither of them was good enough. He didn't know what would happen when they finally met. To be honest he never imagines himself being in love, to be involved with someone, to care about someone and to want something more in his life. His got the alliance as the family and purpose in his life for so long. He just didn't think about it, didn't consider himself as a man who could fall for a girl so hard that he could question all his decisions and lifestyle. And yet some small, fierce, green eyed girl rocked his arranged world to the core and he truly didn't know what was up those days. Maybe it was that famous life changing experience they survived together but to be honest Cassian knew something was up between them ever since he laid an eye on her in the Commanding office that day she was brought from Wobani. And only from that time it spiraled forward ending in a massive pile of unwanted feelings. He stopped himself and wondered if that feelings were indeed unwanted. Jyn had change him, made him consider things he had never questioned. Too tired to think any more and supporting a massive headache from overthinking Cassian finally slumped back to sleep.

...

Cassian woke up at the buzzing sound of the communicator. He had problems with moving his body since he had fallen asleep in the pilot seat and now every bone in his body reminded him that it was a bad idea.

"Andor." He spoke into the communicator his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Major Andor you have permission to land on docking bay 5541 east wing." Came an answer of some ground operating control officer. Cassian was half hoping it would be a different message but still it was good news. At least they would be inside.

"Thank you," He switched the communicator off and continued. "K let's bring her inside maybe we didn't freeze by night."

Cassian U wing touched the ground on said landing pad and they finally could take off the ship. Cassian pulled his thickest jacked up to his neck but he still wasn't prepared for the cold in the hangar bay.

"I hate this planet." He muttered jumping of his ship.

"You and me both." Came a soft answer and Cassian couldn't believe that he didn't see her coming to his ship. He spun around only to see Jyn wrapped in thick layers of clothes smiling shyly at him

"Jyn." He breathed her name too astonished and surprised to say more.

"We need to talk Cassian." She repeated his own words from their last conversation and the hidden meaning hung between them. After a long pause when they only stared into each other eyes as having some unspoken conversation the tension between them rising every second. Then there was a clatter of servomotors and a looming presence of K2.

"We can go back on the ship," Cassian offered and looked at his droid. "K see if they assigned any rooms."

K2 looked from Cassian to Jyn and said nothing but only tilled his head to the side in a very human like version of _There is something going on here._ Jyn walked to Cassian's ship him followed.

"It is kriffingly cold here I don't know how I will survive this place." Cassian said stepping inside his ship and closing the door behind.

"You don't like cold." It was more of a statement than question coming from Jyn. She was standing with her eyes rooted to the ground fumbling with the zipper of her jacked.

"Well, don't like lots of things but I despite cold, I can tell that now and I only spend here like a day." Cassian answered her looking intently at her hope she would look at him. He wanted to ask her what did she truly want from him but he just bit his tongue. Why was she here? He was pretty sure he would be the one who would have to search for her and made her talk and yet she was standing right in front of him all nervous and…beautiful. He need to stop torturing himself with thoughts like that. After their parting conversation on Yavin 4 there was little hope she would change her mind. Or maybe there was hope…

"You need to find something warm to hold to." She mumbled still not looking at him but still yanking at her zipper as it had offended her in some way. She didn't have the courage to look at him, not yet. Not after the stunt she pulled on Yavin and her childish behavior. She didn't deserve his attention and especially his love.

"Having something in mind?" Cassian asked taking a step in her direction. He could tell how nervous and tense she was. But he decided that now it was her turn, her decision, her choice, he could only live with that. The silence stretched as eternity. She didn't look at him and he didn't press her. He could see the inside fight she was having within herself and he just waited for the results.

"Cassian I'm sorry." She finally blurted out rising her head and finally looking into his eyes. Her eyes glistered from unshared tears which startled him. He would do anything in that moment not to see her like that. He had seen her angry, determined, bitten up and injured but nothing was compared to this. He was afraid to move and he wouldn't dare to speak in fear of making her anguish worse.

"No need to be." Finally he whispered softly he was torn between wanting to hold her and smacking himself for causing her pain.

"Yes I have to." She answered her voice trembling. "I panicked. I don't understand most of the things that had happened between us this past days and most of them are scaring the hell out of me…" she trailed off fighting the tears form falling and trying to gather her thoughts.

"Why?" He asked quietly, he didn't want to cause her any more pain. If it was so painful for her he would walk away. Maybe she wasn't ready to love him back, maybe she needed time to heal and he was pressing too much.

"Because I can't control it." She finally answered her voice at the verge of anger. "Suddenly I miss you, suddenly I want to see you just to see your smile and I have never felt that way." The traitorous tears were finally falling from her eyes. It was painful just to look at her but the things she was saying was confusing, if Cassian could understand her correctly she was feeling the same. "I have never wanted anyone to be in my life and if I could do anything with this overwhelming feeling I would do it but it is too late." Now she was openly crying in front of him and it was the sight that Cassian wouldn't want to see ever again.

"What are you trying to say, Jyn?" Let it be finally over thought Cassian. In or out because he couldn't literary stand more.

"Well I think…" Jyn locked her eyes with him wiping her tears with her hand. "I'm trying to say I love you too." She finished lamely sniffing her nose and just looking vulnerably into his eyes.

"What?" Cassian was so surprised by her confession that he wasn't sure he heard her right.

"There I have said that." She huffed at him trying to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. She hated herself of crying in front of him. "I have no bloody idea what does that mean but I want to discover that with you." She finished challenging him with her eyes and Cassian could do nothing more but smile.

"Jyn you are the most complicated person I have ever met." Cassian said stepping closer and wrapping his arms around her taking her into his arms.

"Uncomplicate me" She muttered into his chest inhaling deeply his unique Cassian's scent. She sighed contentedly at his touch she could tell she won't have enough of this closeness her entire life. Being in Cassian's arms was her home.

"I will try." He whispered into her ear sending shivers down her spine. She rose her head from his chest and looked into his warm, brown eyes his eyes drowning her and pulling her closer. Then he kissed her, sweet and slow conveying all the longing he had felt ever since they parted. He could feel that she finally was willing him to love her. He deepened the kiss pulling her with him to sit in his pilot chair with her on his laps as close as their layers of clothes allowed earing an approval moan form Jyn. Just when Jyn was trying to unzip his jacked there was a loud crash behind them and they both looked up to what happened. There was K2 with the most hilarious droid expression on his face. If droid could stand with their mouth hang open it would probably look like that, the container with Cassian things laying on the floor where it had landed causing them stop.

"K2?" Cassian asked his voice hoarsely from all the emotions.

"You know Cassian there is still chance she would kill you." K2 offered in disbelieve.

"And you thought I don't know that." Cassian answered smiling warmly at Jyn who decided to cover her flushed face into his chest.

"And it's still high Cassian." K2 finished looking anywhere but not at the two of them.

They both burst into fit of laughter leaving poor K2 to his calculation. Untangling himself from Jyn and rising from the pilot seat still laughing Cassian took Jyn's hand at start walking off the ship. She was smiling at him this beautiful warm smile he had only recently discovered she had and he loved that. It would be a cold base but he just found a way to keep them warm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Finished, totally finished with this story.
> 
> Ok I have one scene which would probably be a good epilogue to this but I need some new story. I need more brooding and more unhappy and complex Cassian. As if he probably was. I always imagine him having real trouble with trust and love and in this story, I made him to fluffy for my liking but still I think it wasn't so bad. Definitely having fun to write this and it was amazing having all the reviews and support! Thanks again.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue, because that scene won't leave me alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own anything. They just won't leave me alone :D

_Next to your heartbeat_

_Where I should be_

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

**Six month later**

"Cassian?" Jyn asked in a surprised tone opening the glass door and coming into the balcony, Her hair blew by the wind felt into her face. Cassian loved the way her hair was framing her face it was so rarely that he had seen her with her hair free in the middle of the day.

"I just wanted to spend some alone time with you, and since I know what you think about beaches and oceans…" He couldn't help but smile at her expression it was so rare that he could see her so surprised and happy at the same time.

In their line of work surprises usually were catastrophic.

Jyn was standing overwhelmed by the view spread in front of her eyes form a large balcony. Up until the horizon there were trees and she could also see a few lakes glimmering in the distance. At the very far end there were mountains so high that their tops where hidden in the clouds. Jyn could see that there was snow covering the tops of the mountains. She didn't like snow since Hoth but the whole picture was just too beautiful to be true.

Then she remembered they supposed to be on their mission not sightseeing and resting in high standard resorts. It was rarely that the Command would sent them together due to different career's path in the alliances forces but still there were times like that when a good intelligence officer and an excellent code breaker needed to work together and it was always Cassian's hand in it to be chosen with the only code breaker he wanted.

"How did you do that?" She asked astonished finally turning over to him and couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. Supporting his famous corellian jacked and smug smile he was still as much handsome to her as the first day they had met almost six months ago.

"Well the owner is my old friend, some time ago I helped him off the planed right under the nose of the Empire blockade. He was really into paying off that debt." Cassian explained joining her on the balcony.

"By giving you the biggest room in the whole resort?" Jyn asked still bewildered on how much space a simple room could have. It was large, with comfortable sofas and a bed that could fit a contingent of solders.

"When I called him to gather some information of this planet he couldn't stop talking about visiting and I kind of couldn't say no. And then I remembered how you always complain about the size of the bed at the base." He was teasing her now and had even more fun seeing as she blushed a little.

"Be careful major Andor or else I would think that you brought me here just to take advantage of me." She said looking into his eyes and seeing as his eyes become darker from desire. She loved the way his eyes switched from that focus and composed look to that dark and desire one she was looking in right now. Her Cassian, the man he was behind closed door, was much more passionate that he let anyone notice.

"You are thinking it all wrong." Cassian said stepping closer to her pulling her into his arms. „I was thinking that when you will see all that you will take advantage of me." He finished pulling her even closer to him feeling as his body heated at the mere touch of her.

"And we forget we're on a mission with a limited time." Jyn reminded him but was more than happy when he kissed her neck just behind her ear causing her knees to go weak and her body to shiver.

"We could be quick." Murmured Cassian against her skin making her head spin and forget all other thoughts.

"Not very tempting." She muttered aching her head giving him a better access. Cassian skillful hands began unzipping her jacked.

"With the mission lieutenant Erso, we could be quick with the mission." Cassian stopped kissing her and grinned.

"That sounds better but still." Jyn tried to reason with him one last time.

"Start taking your clothes off." Cassian said all business like and then kissed her short and sweet.

"Is that an order?" Jyn asked still out of breath form the mind-blowing kiss.

"It could be, if it works on you." Cassian spoke sneaking his hand under her shirt sending waves of heat down her body.

"The door." Jyn muttered against his neck trying very hard to stand on her feet when waves of desire were washing over her.

"What? You want me to leave?" Cassian asked taken aback stopping the trial of kissed he just left down to her collarbone.

"No, you genius, lock the door before someone will walk on us breaking all the rules." Jyn smiled at him fighting with the silent laughter.

Cassian as one of the most intelligent and skilled intelligence officer could be thick sometimes. And she loved him for that and also for his wit, intelligence and sharp mind but mostly for his kindness and the ability to love her.

"Yes sir" He saluted her jokingly almost running to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So happy it came that way! It was fun to write. Hope to see you with the next story.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think! This scene came to my mind and just couldn't leave me alone till I wrote it down. There is more but first I need to know if it's worth Your time. I'm sorry for all the mistakes. Still hope it was good enough to write some reviews.


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